Think about what you get, if anything, out of the relationship. Chances are, you no longer have fun with this person. They are probably a drain on you. You probably feel exhausted after spending time with them. Accept you cannot make them change. Toxic people can sense when someone is pulling away, and will try to do things to get you back in their fold. Remind yourself that a toxic person is unlikely to change, even if they swear they will. This will prevent you from getting dragged back into the relationship. Mixed feelings are normal and to be expected, but that does not mean you should continue a toxic friendship. For example, you might truly admire or love your friend, and the your friend might have some admirable traits, but that doesn’t mean that the friendship can’t be toxic. It is okay to love a friend, but to still want to move forward.
Write down all your thoughts first. Then, look over what you’ve written. Try to pull out the most important thoughts and form a few clear sentences explaining why you’re ending the relationship. Practice your script a few times. You can practice in front of a mirror or just recite the words to yourself. You do not want to be reading off the script when you confront the person, so try to have your words more or less memorized before confronting your friend. There are many ways to leave a toxic relationship, and there isn’t necessarily a mistaken way to do it unless safety might be in play. [4] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 Aug 2020.
It’s okay to be a little blunt here. Again, don’t be aggressive, but be firm. Say something like, “I do not want to see you again, so please do not try to contact me. " Toxic people may have trouble letting go, and attempt to get you back into their folds. To make it clear you were serious about not wanting further contact, ignore texts, calls, and emails. You may want to block the person’s number. If material safety, physical safety, or the safety of children may be in play when you leave, consider seeking out external resources. There are many different domestic violence hotlines that can be consulted discreetly, so you can have help planning on how to exit from a toxic person’s life safely. [8] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 Aug 2020.
Not everyone keeps social media profiles private. If your friend does not keep their Facebook or Twitter page protected from the public, resist the temptation to check up on them after deleting them. This is only likely to stir negative emotions, resulting in you feeling bad.
Set goals for yourself and reward yourself for achieving them. For example, if you ignore the person’s texts for a week, treat yourself to a new outfit. If you don’t check their Twitter for a month, buy yourself a meal at an expensive restaurant.
Take up a new hobby to keep yourself distracted. You could, for example, try knitting, sewing, baking, or anything else that interests you. Try to find new friends. Forming new, more positive relationships will help you feel happier and confident at having abandoned a toxic person. Join a club, volunteer, or go to an event alone and strike up a conversation with someone.
While you are not responsible for someone else’s poor behavior, you may be vulnerable to toxic people for certain reasons. Maybe you tend to be passive in relationships and are uncomfortable stating your needs. Maybe you were taken advantage of emotionally by a parent or loved one at a young age, and are a people pleaser by nature. Figuring out why you end up in negative relationships is key to breaking the patterns. If you’ve been in a lot of toxic friendships, you may want to see a therapist to help address the issue.
