This isn’t a fun part of the equation. Accepting that this challenge is real and that you’re going to have to deal with it can be really scary. If you’re scared of what this challenge can mean for you, just remember: so far in life, you’ve met every challenge that’s come before you and made it out okay. There’s no reason to think that this is any different.
This usually means that you’re going to have to talk to people, although who will depend on your situation. Are you having problems with school? Talk to your teacher. Problems at work? Talk to your boss or a coworker. Problems in your relationship? Talk to your partner. Problems with your health? Talk to your doctor. You get the idea. It can help to make a list. A challenge is rarely one single task or problem, but is instead made up of lots of different parts. Make a list talking about what the smaller, sub-challenges are and what you’ll need to do in order to combat them.
For example, let’s say that you’re facing a challenge in your marriage. What do you have that can help you face this? Well, you’re good at communicating how you feel. That’s important for reaching understanding in interpersonal issues. You also have your parents available to you, as they’ve managed to stay together through some pretty serious fights. They might have some advice. You also know that you’re not good at changing your habits, so you’ll know that you’ll need to be prepared to pay extra attention to that.
You can find a lot of information by going online and using Google to find websites that deal with your specific problem. For example, let’s say that you’re facing a challenge at work; you are up for review and you’re worried that your performance has been poor. Now, go to Google and search for performance reviews. You’ll learn about the process and hear how things have gone for other people. You can also learn about what you can do to improve your chances for keeping your job if your review goes badly.
If you’re having a hard time looking at a situation and finding an alternative route, one of the easiest ways to get ideas is to talk to someone you trust. Get advice. If you’re on your own though, look at you main goal point (the thing you’re trying to reach). It’s got a problem in the way, keeping you from getting there, right? Now, look at the actual function of the goal. Is there another way to get the same thing to happen? This can open another path for you to take.
For example, let’s say that you’re having problems in your relationship. The best way to solve relationship problems is to talk to your significant other. Be honest about how you feel and what you want and encourage them to do the same. If they won’t talk with you, well that kind of answers the question, doesn’t it? Another example would be if you’re having problems at school. Talk to your teacher or the school’s counselor. No matter what the problem is, one of them should have some ideas that can help you. You might think that they might be mad at you, judge you, or make things worse, but that is very likely not true. You’re very unlikely to tell them something that would surprise them and they’ll have a lot more experience in handling the problem and will probably have some good ideas for you.
For example, if you’re having problems with a friend, talk to your older sister. She’ll probably have had similar troubles at some point in her life, so she’ll be able to give you advice. She’ll also be able to support and comfort you. Online communities can also fill this role, so don’t worry if you’re not that great at talking to people or asking for help face-to-face.
Now sometimes the solution to a challenge is accepting the inevitable. Let’s say that your challenge is that you’ve been diagnosed with a chronic illness. Now, you shouldn’t keep fighting to get rid of the illness. The reality is probably that you’re stuck with it. However, the solution in this situation would be that you should find a sense of community and identity with others who share your situation and learn to better embrace and appreciate the good things that you do have in your life.
For example, your boyfriend that you’ve been with since you were young might have just left you. It will feel horrible, like you’ll never be happy again and you’ll never find someone else that you love that much. It might feel like you’ll never find anyone. But time will pass, you’ll be out at a party, and then suddenly. . . your prince charming will walk into the room. He’ll be funny and charming and he’ll think you’re just the most incredible thing to grace this Earth. It’ll happen. You just need to be patient and give it time.
People sometimes have a hard time seeing the good things in their life. Don’t let this happen to you. You don’t have a significant other? You do still have friends and family. Not much in the way of friends and family? You’re alive and you have the wonderful opportunity to go out into the world and make friends and have experiences. There’s always some incredible experience that’s just waiting for you to get up and take it.
Finding meaning if you don’t have meaning can be tricky. The best way to go about it, as with most things in life, is to give it a try. When you find the right thing for you, you’ll know it. Just keep yourself open to as many possibilities as possible and don’t keep yourself from getting out there and trying things.
It’s a bit like learning to ride a bike: you have to get up on the bike and you might get a few scrapes and bruises while you learn to keep your balance, but each wobble will teach you something about staying upright. If every time you wobble you get off the bike and stay off for a few years, you’re never going to learn.
Sometimes, life has been so unkind that we really don’t want to believe in ourselves. Please, don’t let your experiences diminish your wonderful spirit. You are so strong. Look at all the stuff that you’ve made it through so far! We know that you can face this challenge and do so with grace. We believe in you and we are so proud of the person that you are. Just keep trying and don’t forget to be awesome.
